2020 has been a remarkable year globally. More than ever, we had time to reflect on how we will make changes in our personal life to improve our wellbeing. And like many people’s typical year-end activity, we take on some challenges and chart a corrective course.
Whatever one’s problem is, it keeps needling for change, adding to an already frustrating situation, be it obesity, procrastination, anger management, organizing, or exercising for fitness. We make a fresh resolve to turn things around and start with a new surge in optimism, new energy, fresh determination, and take significant steps towards our goals. Yet, some people, gung-ho at the start, fizzle out before getting to the finish line. Nearly 70% of the people give up on resolution by mid-January. According to Research studies, January 15th is the D-day when most people drop out.
Why do people give up so quickly? Why does their resolve melt like a soft-wax candle?
We find ourselves slipping back into inertia because we do not see the results we hoped. We feel guilty, stressed, and out of control, and at some point, think that it is not worth the trouble, and give up.
Why do we throw in the towel?
Wrong Self-Diagnosis and Mislabeling Derails Resolve
One of the most daunting problems is to feel a shortcoming but not being able to overcome it.
When our resolution is not in sync with the real crux of the problem, the unresolved issues crop up again and again despite the intention of tackling them head-on. We keep on facing these pesky issues because we mislabel the problem at its root. When we misdiagnose and mislabel the problem, we miss our mark. Our actions do not yield gratifying results.
Let’s take a few examples of mislabeling the problem. We notice that the weighing machine is tipping at a point that bothers us about the weight gain. We feel an urgency to do something, fearing the potential for heart or kidney diseases and diabetes because of the articles in magazines and health shows on television whip up the fear factor in high gear. We conclude that changing our eating habits and dieting is the solution. We earnestly give up midnight snacks or binge-eating and adopt recommendations from diet experts.
But wait!
What if it’s not eating habits but something else at the root of the problem? For example, people on certain prescription drugs gain weight as a side effect. Sometimes, biochemical deficiency or hormonal imbalance causes weight gain due to malabsorption or insufficient physical activity.
The right way to resolve the weight gain, first and foremost, is to get the correct diagnosis followed by nutritional counseling, coupled with some vigorous physical exercises regularly.
Other examples are poor time management and procrastination. We promise to get to meetings and appointments on time and pay more attention to managing time, schedules, and calendars. Yet, we find ourselves scrambling up to the meeting late.
Why? Not because we want to get attention by being a bit late, nor because we undervalue our or other’s time. It may have to do with the unconscious habit of self-sabotage or some fear or psychological overwhelm. It could also be because we are poor at estimating the time it takes to complete tasks or travel time and not allowing for contingencies like traffic delays. It could also be due to distractions resulting from a short attention span, typical of people with Attention Deficit Disorder. Until the underlying cause is correctly identified, we are just shooting in the dark.
Unsustainable Targets Overwhelm
We unwittingly set ourselves for failure if we set unrealistically high goals without clarity about a plan of action and timelines for achieving them. Determining to lose 50 pounds in the initial flush seems highly motivating. Still, in practice, the yo-yo effect of the weight, down one day and up the next week, is a downer. Or deciding to clean out the entire file cabinet of overflowing files and office in a single shot is as impractical as deciding never to lose your temper.
The right way to avoid being overwhelmed is, thinking through strategically, with a long term goal, broken down into several short term goals, keeping in mind that pursuit has to be well integrated with your day-to-day responsibilities.
Unexpected Disruptions
Life is not linear. It has its ups and downs that demand immediate attention away from the routine activities and schedules. A sickness, an accident, unexpected overtime, or layoff can upstage the best-laid plans. A compelling example is an entire world being in the grip of the pandemic with sudden closures of offices, schools, and campuses, and restrictions imposed on everyday activities like shopping, going to the office for meetings or social interactions. No one could have predicted such turmoil in their life, but life happens! The right way to avoid being anxious or losing motivation is to have a growth mindset. Adaptation and flexibility are the best way to cope and bounce back.
Adjust to the new reality and know that it is temporary. Do not allow negative thoughts about possibilities. Tame the fear because it causes paralysis and inertia.
Overcoming Inertia
Some helpful ways to overcome obstructions:
Find a space that energizes you: Indoor or outdoor, find or create a space; an oasis to gather yourself and calm the nervous energies without disturbance from outside. A place to shed the clutter from the daily onslaught of information and take a few deep breaths to pay attention to your inner dialog. Allow shift from mind to gut to reflect and hatch plans for boosting morale and set intentions for achieving the empowering goals and adding to a sense of wellbeing.
For me, it is a local beach, ten minutes away from home, and away from all types of distractions. As I see waves undulating with high and low tides, watch seagulls fly over and swoop down, a calm descends on me, and I feel a renewed energy ready to take on whatever needs tackling. Some plan of action bubbles up, and I set the intention in motion.
Align intention with action: Match the intensity of the plan and effort. Often a misalignment occurs due to a half-hearted commitment. A friend from my days at GE was fond of repeating, “Nothing happens until the rubber meets the road!” to inspire her team. She was right that unless there is a forward momentum with some velocity, we stay stuck in the same place.
Set manageable goals: Setting impossibly high goals leads to disappointments because sudden changes are jarring and readily discourage maintaining momentum. Motivational speakers urge us to “Get out of our comfort zones” and “Think out of the box.” However, for sustainable motivations and actions, set incremental and manageable goals. Upon reaching initial targets, ratchet up a notch, and so on. Rabbit starts are exhausting compared to a measured and steady pace, making getting to the ultimate goals easier and doable!
Devise measurements and benchmarks: Change requires planning and action. If these are ill-defined, then the yardsticks to measure progress are missing. Without the appropriate criteria, we cannot measure the rate of change.
Create a buddy system to overcome inertia: A major roadblock for many in achieving the desired results is motivation. If not self-directed but other-directed, you need a buddy or a coach. You derive satisfaction by being recognized and rewarded by others. If those are important to you, you face the most severe obstacles. Going it alone can be demotivating and may throw a wet blanket on your initial enthusiasm.
A sure way to overcome inertia is to create a buddy system, team up with a reliable buddy. Be accountable to each other and create a pool to reward with some tangible experiences that add zest for continuing. Hopefully, over time, the momentum converts repeated activities into habits, making everything so routine that it would be an automatic part of daily life. So much so that you do not even have to think about it. You just do it!
Do not turn a temporary roadblock into a permanent one: Persevere! Temporary disruptions can happen anytime. At such critical times, it is easy to slack and not pick up the action again. Don’t give in to disappointment and frustration; get back on to routine, and continue. A real commitment strengthens resolve and resilience.
Accept your Self. If there is a genuine issue with self-discipline, then accept that it is the way you are, but before giving up, ask why you made the specific resolution? What was the over-arching concern that prompted you in the first place? What motivated you? Rethinking may reset the mindset again for a fresh restart.
Just do it! No wasting time on regrets about the past and no overthinking. Embrace the routine once again, give it a go, and keep moving forward!
Note: I wrote an article on embracing routines to formulate habits in earlier posts and another article on winning words that help self-motivation.